A change in my life not decided by me

You know when something hits you, it hits you like lightning. Good or bad it just hits you hard. This past month has been hard. Mom got the shingles my back went out, and I couldn't do anything about it. Today was one of those days where you start to realize some things.

First I realized that the apple really does not fall far from the tree. I seems like my brother J, is exactly like my father. Lend him money and you will never see it and they suddenly get amnesia and say "I never agreed to that!".

Then I realized that my husband is selfish. He wants things easy. He even admitted it himself. He just got out of the army and says he loves being able to walk on the grass without being scolded. He likes not having to wake up before the sun comes up and having to go to PT. He, like he said, has so much more freedom, BUT we, meaning the kids and I, got so restricted. We don't get anything near what he used to earn. We have no insurance for the kids at all. Its been hard on us, BUT HE HAS FREEDOM! Sometimes I wonder.

Then I realized that he did that when he first joined the army, he did it because he wanted to get away from his mom who would treat him bad, was not being appreciated. I was pregnant I told him that he did not need to join that we could find a way to get by. Of course I was scared of leaving. I was used to my civilian life the "freedom" that my husband enjoys now. He said he was going anyways. He decided our future our lives because he wanted to get away.

Then again its like it almost came full circle. He is being treated bad in the army hates being told what to do, being scolded (sound familiar?). I on the other hand being a military wife loving being at home with the kids and our life style is great! He decides to get out go home because hes not "appreciated". I said hey that's military life, you get people who hate you every now and them but more people love you and respect you. Now he wanted out he, decided to get out and now I again got my life decided for me.

It was just something I noticed my life is being decided by someone who I want to believe, loves and has our best interest at heart. When he says he loves the "freedom" and knows that he has really changed our lives not for the best and has admitted it, it makes me not like him anymore. I don't know what to feel right now, I'm mad, scared, offended, not loved and not appreciated. Know what, I really respected him when he was in the army now I don't. Is that wrong?