What to do?

Its funny how when you leave the nest, the comfort of home, you are apprehensive. You don't want to go (or at least that's the way I felt). When my husband and I got married most people probably thought that he just married me because I ended up pregnant. I was not some young teenager but I was not old enough to buy beer! I was 20 when I got pregnant with our oldest. He was told by my mil to make sure that it was his baby. I was not sleeping around, maybe she had skeletons in her closet, but I didn't. I told my husband that he didn't need to marry me. Well all in all we did get married. He went off to basic training and when he came back he really just came back to pick me up and move. OH MY GOSH! I cried, but I got used to being alone. I did suffer from panic anxiety disorder for a while until he left to Korea for the year. Then I was left with 2 kids and I was actually forced to "grow-up" and be independent. I never had to do that. From the time I got married to the time he left, I had always depended on someone. First it was my parents, I needed them to tell me what to do. Then my husband almost right away, he told me what to do. Somewhere I missed the transition of being an adult and being responsible for myself and all of a sudden I had to do that right away. My panic anxiety disorder when from slow crawl to turbo blast and I actually lost over 20lbs in less than a month!

Now we are at almost the same stage in our lives. We had grown so accustomed to the military. Military life, military wife, military home military brats. Military, Military, Military. That's is all we know. Its been almost 8 months since hes been out, since he's been a "civilian". I seem to be lost. His pay has been cut by more than half we have not insurance, health or dental. IT SUCKS!!! I really want him to go back. I miss the action, the fast life, the being my own person. I love my family and my parents, but somehow I feel that I am being defined by what people know about me in my past. I was this shy timid person and they get to know the new me and they are shocked. I'm more outgoing (had to be if I had to shake hands with so many higher ups than my husband in the military), I am more of a leader in where I take control of the reins if no one else does.

So it comes down to it. My husband has already spoken to the recruiters to go back. He wants to keep his rank. I really want him to go back but i want him to get his degree. I want him to have the option of going back as a officer (really i want him to be an officer). I don't know If can handle the pressure though. Oh well...Ill keep you posted!